Thursday, February 7, 2013

"I'm not depressed; I'm just a nihilist."



 -actual quote from an actual interview with Burroughs I held within my mind

Bill Burroughs claims he did “not have strong motivations in any other direction… I tried it as a matter of curiosity.”(Junky 49) However, these are two different  Burroughs sounds as if he were bored and in need of a hobby. He sees no meaning in anything, only chaos. He was diagnosed with depression and paranoid-schizophrenia, but is also a self-titled “chronic malingerer” on page 48 of Junky.  
Burroughs is an unreliable narrator, contradicting himself from the beginning of the Junky excerpt.  His first paragraph recounts a pleasant and secure childhood filled with middle class niceties. The following two paragraphs delve into fears, nightmares, and hallucinations. He is afraid of being alone (Junky 47.) He speaks of intense fear of sleep and dreams “where a supernatural horror seemed always on the point of taking shape” (Junky 47.) How terribly and utterly ironic it is that the pain he purposely chooses to inflict upon himself produces the same effect as the affliction he is trying to escape.  Borroughs’ description of his first shot of morphine reveals a reaction that is similar to that of when he describes falling asleep in the second paragraph. “I experienced a strong feeling of fear. I had the feeling that some horrible image was just beyond the field of vision (54).”

Fear, death, and hopelessness punctuate the pages. “They knew that basically no one can help anyone else. He is “cured” from junk for a time, but this is a generous term to describe his off-period of morphine use. He merely replaces one addiction with another, that of alcohol. In addition to his aforementioned depression and paranoid-schizophrenia, it sounds as though he could easily switch substance dependance due to obsessive-compulsive disorder, which physical addiction is often correlated with. In this case, habits and urges cannot simply be “given up.” If junk is indeed “a way of life (50),” what is more addictive than the junk itself is the process, the routine, that addicts come to love and rely on.  

The autobiography by Jack Black titled “You Can’t Win”* mentioned on page 48 recounts the journeys of a criminal as he navigates life stealing, gambling, cavorting with prostitutes, landing in and escaping from jail, alcoholism, and opium addiction seemed to have inspired Burroughs to reject his comfortable and solidly middle class upbringing. (Freud would probably argue Burroughs' feelings of alienation are due to his boyhood love interest and the breaking up of the group, destroying his trust in others and fueling his paranoia and insistent fears.) This book title simultaneously terrifies and intrigues me. It sounds dismal and hopeless, “You can’t win” means to give up, which means ceasing to care, which Burroughs interprets as freedom. (The freedom “from,” as opposed to the freedom “to.”) He wishes for freedom from morality, exemption from standards and rules. 

*I could not find the full text online, but I reserved the library's hard copy.
**Here is a link to purchase an illustrated version of "You Can't Win"for 2 bucks!
http://www.epubbooks.com/books/2lzx/you-can-t-win-the-autobiography-of-jack-back


6 comments:

  1. I love how you say Burroughs is an unreliable narrator, you took the words right out of my mouth. There is a lot of contradiction not only in what he says but in what he does and the excuses he makes for the behavior in the first place. Rather than be strong minded and resist a temptation that only leads to weakness, he avoids dealing with one emptiness and pursues a habit that is more meaningless and closer to death that he wanted to admit. The two major characteristics the beats share are complete ignorance and immaturity.

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    1. "The two major characteristics the beats share are complete ignorance and immaturity."
      Amen!

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  2. Reading this post makes me view Burroughs slightly differently. Only because when I read Burroughs and his biographic stories such as "Junky" or "Queer," although I am quite aware that he has all of the characteristics of an unreliable narrator I directly believe him because he is a primary source. I am not necessarily judging his reliability because in my mind if he is telling me something about his like I am just going to accept it as his opinion on why he did choose to try heroin or morphine. I love the statement you made, "How terribly and utterly ironic it is that the pain he purposely chooses to inflict upon himself produces the same effect as the affliction he is trying to escape." I did not see this as the case when I read "Junky" but I love that you brought this up. It is a nice switch of view for me. Lovely post!

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    1. I do believe and accept Burroughs' varying explanations for trying junk. But being curious and not having any motivation are two different,yet coexisting reasons. I see Burroughs overlooking this fact, meaning he is doing himself a disservice in learning about the behaviors of a junky.

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  3. You can't win is a pretty awesome book in my opinion. Black was a thief and a hobo and his writing style is very much like Burroughs--although Black is trying to make it, to succeed in life (or at least get a warm bed). Unlike Burroughs, who had a bit of money coming in every month, Black was on his own and the tales are about survival. Worth the 2 bucks!

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    1. I am definitely interested in hearing survival tales from impoverished people who aren't just doing it for the kicks. Kerouac perhaps is an overzealous xenophile, and glorifier of poverty, making such bold statements like "I am Mexican." But Burroughs places himself above the natives in Tangier for example, frequently comparing them to animals.

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